Monday, May 08, 2006

Back into online dating...

Despite (or rather because of) the fact that I'm about to leave the country for about a year in a few months, I decided to go back up on Match.com. Why? Here's my new "triple-threat" plan of attack....

My ad has now been modified to state outright that, while I'm open to meeting 'the one,' I'm about to go Splittsville for awhile. I'll be back eventually, of course, but looking to start something long-term now just doesn't make sense. Therefore, the ad reads, all I really want is "someone intelligent and interesting to enjoy Madison in the summer with."

Personally I thought the wording (or at least the implication) sounded kinda slutty....Ang and The Prof both think it's actually a little too subtle. Prof said he thought fewer guys would respond anyway because the possibility of marriage, babies and love everlasting is pretty much off the table. Clearly Prof is smoking crack these days.

Anyway, if my blandly worded incitement to commitment-free naughtiness doesn't get me stalked, skinned, and turned into a lampshade in some dude's torture basement, this whole thing might prove to be a refreshing experience....

Observe:

1. Dating men* (and some women...but this more a problem with the fellas) is a little bit like training wild squirrels to eat from your hands. You have to spend hours...days...weeks squatting absolutely motionless in the backyard with your palms outstretched and full of seeds. Eventually, they'll start to slowly approach. However, if you get excited and make the slightest move toward them, they bound back into the bushes and you have to start all over. But, see...this is dating without expectations. No, not even that...this is dating without even the POSSIBILITY of expectations in the near or distant future. What more can you ask for?

2. Since I'm not looking for long-term either, I'm free to go out with people I'd normally reject as utterly impractical right off the bat. For example, I generally avoid really 'sporty' people like the fucking plague. But.....I'M LEAVING!! I don't have to learn how to play softball, or try ultimate Frisbee, or resign myself to a lifetime of miserable wilderness vacations squatting over shallow hand-dug holes in the ground everytime I need to take a dump. If he doesn't want kids, or is a vegetarian, or a Buddhist, or has a really, really gross dog who constantly swallows, regurgitates, and then re-swallows the same shredded rubber ball under the bed all night, every night....IT DOESN'T MATTER!! Because, hey, I'm not looking for life-long compatibility here.

3. Finally, since letting go of all desires and expectations allows one to reach that perfect Zen state of dating that all the magazines tell you is the prerequisite for actually finding someone in the first place (and a prerequisite for ending up in an amazingly shitty relationship, sounds like) maybe I'll end up with the LOVE OF MY LIFE in a SPECIAL SEASON FINALE TWIST ENDING. WAAAHHH!!

Probably not though.

*(Yes...I know, I've written this post as if all I'm looking for are men. Well, on Match that's all I really am looking for. There are, like, three dykes up on that site.)

5 Comments:

Blogger jeremy said...

The "turned into a lampshade" line made me laugh out loud, just so you know.

10:54 PM  
Blogger astrid jane said...

Thanks Jeremy.....it'd say the same thing about your recent "must love logit" post, except that instead of making me laugh it make me break out a nervous sweat and a rash of hives. That is one dude I will not be dating.

11:00 PM  
Anonymous DMR said...

I don't have a torture basement, but I do have a spare room we could convert.

6:39 PM  
Blogger JULIO said...

Well Jane, if your looking for a dating site that gives you fast results, i know of one. Webdate.com. I have been using this site for over 1 1/2 years now and ive been on about 12 dates (having about 1 date a month). I think it is very easy and fun, it is also fast on getting dates. I got my first date using this site in about 2 weeks. highly recomend that you try it. Webdate.com
JulioU

3:03 PM  
Blogger partygirljessica said...

Online dating sites have proven to be an effective dating tool for me. In comparison, webdate.com has returned more good dates and hook ups as well.

3:20 AM  

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