Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Dr. Hook, DDS

I ended up needing to go back to the oral surgeon's day early for a new gauze pad, because the one I got put in on Monday fell out last night.

That it fell out was not surprising, because, in contrast to my first "wound pack," the oral surgeon who did me on Monday didn't tuck the pad in that deeply. I could tell, because it didn't hurt as bad when he was doing it.

Today when I went back, I got the original guy again--This guy takes his little metal poker and sticks that pad down there like he's trying to tuck it in around my goddam tailbone. Like he's trying to get his entire hand down in there. He must have jabbed me with the hook ten times, the end result was an immense throbbing pain and what looks like a squared-off military bed dressing. The kind you bounce quarters off of.

After packing my tooth socket, he looks at me and says gravely "You're really going to have to take it easy with the eating." As if my wound dressing fell out due to sheer gluttony, or because I've been ramming food into my mouth in a particularly violent fashion. Actually, last night's dinner was potato buds, cream of potato soup and a bowl of ice cream...all requiring very little chewing. Breakfast was more ice cream. Lunch was a slimfast shake and...guess what....ice cream. Tonight's dinner? Pea soup and ice cream.

I should have told him it wasn't my diet that was dislodging that gauze pad, it was all the damn $20 blowjobs and could he swab my throat for Gonorrhea while he was in there?


Blogger sep said...

i guess i should say, "glad you're back!" but um, really, i'm finding that hard to say. i'm so glad i only had two wisdom teeth and they were easy, tiny, little thing that just popped right out.

i did like the part about the blowjobs, however. that was funny :)

8:48 AM  

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