Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Later, back at the Batcave....

I am so goddamn shallow. So, I was walking across Library Mall tonight on the way to my date and I almost had a full-blown panic attack because I was scared that, when he showed up, he would be wearing tapered stonewashed jeans. With a really tight T-shirt tucked into them. And white sneakers.

THAT was my big fear. I thought "If I see him and he is wearing tapered jeans I will fly into slobbering fit. I will have an honest-to-God breakdown right there." I was literally in a breathless panic thinking about it. It's like when my spider phobia gets really bad and I'm terrified that a spider will get on me somehow. That I will look down and there will be a giant spider sitting on my forearm, and.....that's it. I can't ever imagine anything past that. I would see the spider and then I would go into a psychotic episode from pure fear that I would never, ever recover from. Except this time it was imagining my blind date showing up in really, really bad pants.

Either I am the most superficial person alive, or...well......that's the only interpretation I can come up with.

It just that I've been on so many really terrible dates in the last few years, and small things, tapered jeans, a Bush/Cheney pin, freedom rings circa 1991, a visible human bite mark...well, they can say a lot about a person.

Anyway, he wasn't wearing tapered jeans. He was wearing shorts. And a tucked-in T-Shirt. And Tevas with white ankle socks....and I didn't even hold that against him because he's from Europe and that's to be entirely expected. And he was sweet but boring and we had absolutely nothing to talk about and I counted the minutes until I could make my apologies and leave. And there you have it. I am so, so, so, so sick of dating.

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