Tuesday, February 22, 2005

not so great expectations

Finally I have come to terms with the fact, dating wise, that I simply do not have loads to offer. I'm weird, loud, and kind of irritating. Moroever I do not, to put it mildly, have what you could ever call a sweet disposition. Also, I'm not all that hot. As I get older, I get less hot. I also get progressively chubbier. Chubby is, in our culture, the "anti-hot." You can be shockingly homely and still be considered hot if you are really thin. I am not really thin.

I went on a blind date two weeks ago with a guy who was enormously overweight and also painfully short. He was Ewok-like in his proportions, except he topped 250 pounds, easy, even without shoes. His personal ad, nonetheless, specified a strict weight-range for any potential female who might wish to respond to it. I haven't heard back from him, which is fine 'cause I didn't actually like him, but I must face the very real possibility that he did not follow up with me because he decided I was too fat for him.

Oh and I have been blown-off by G.I.Joe who is back in Milwaukee after the French Foreign Legion decided they didn't want him. G.I. Joe decided that the occaisonal hook-up with me, which basically consisted of binge drinking and lying there like a slug for a lot of unreciprocated backrubs, wasn't working for him. Backrubs and drinking. What, exactly, isn't working about that?

Look, I know this sounds like pitiful whining, but life is just easier when you accept the basic truth and stop getting your hopes up unnecessarily. I am not that hot and I'm irritating. Whatever. You thinking you might want to go out with me? You can probably do better.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Regarding the FFL guy, did you set up a television where he could watch sports while drinking and receiving these backrubs? If you are looking for what's the missing ingredient for men with the backrubs-and-drinking recipe, it's sports. You might also think about staging a cockfight or two in your apartment to lure him back.

9:19 AM  
Blogger astrid jane said...

Dude, yeah!! Bloodsport! I forgot the FUCKING Bloodsport. I so totally have a new lease on dating...

8:42 PM  
Blogger birdfarm said...

Did you ever notice that "real possibilities" and "unpleasant truths" are generally self-hatred disguised as rationality? All those things about being hot etc are just a matter of opinion, and opinion is a lot more diverse than you give it credit for here. I have been in a group of people who thought you were hot and not at all irritating, rather endearing and charming actually. Although as I recall none of them had the appropriate combination of gender preference and marital status to be dating material for you, I'm sure that bodes well for your future.

Instead of dissing yourself so thoroughly, why not face up to the "real possibility" that there are not a lot of great people out there, of any gender, and it takes a while to find one? Why do you want these truly pathetic, bottom-of-the-barrel guys to find you especially appealing, anyway? Wouldn't it be more disturbing if they did? Then you could wonder "what is it about me that makes sadistic, freakishly macho men fall for me all the time?"

1:00 PM  
Blogger A+ said...

Yeah! People suck! Grrrr!

12:16 PM  

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